Sunday, December 21, 2014

Happy Belated Birthday Mary Cummins

To the followers of the dark, dank world of Mary Cummins, we give you Mary Cummins on her birthday and present to you a year in review of yet another year older, another year crazier, another year of being a disgrace.

Right now I wish I would have kept a diary but never fear because Mary always does that for us.  You know how proud Mary is of reading her own failures and trying to spin them into something her Branch Cumminians can see as a success.  What comes to mind are things like being charged with animal abuse by her own California Department of Fish and Wildlife or being told by a judge in superior court that she is ‘annoying’.  “Your motions are annoying and you are annoying.”  Or skipping ahead to the end of the year when Mary Cummimns let over 100 innocent, orphaned wildlife die from dehydration/starvation/heat stroke and being eaten alive by insects as they struggled to hang on until help arrived but instead Mary Cummins told the people trying to help them, “F*** You!  I am not coming.”  (That must have been the cherry on the top of her kale cake; knowing she had the power to cost baby animals their lives).

But for all of Mary’s abhorrent, reprehensible behavior we have to admit that she has given us some really good belly laughs as she announced in public court documents, “My vaginawas not injured”, “I was forced to sign this (document)”, “Amanda Lollar admits that she vomits in court”, “I have to go back to pads or I will be forced toget a tattoo” (What the hell does that even mean?), “I was a member of Junior Mensa,  “The Los Angeles City Attorney stole my eyeglasses”,  A man in the Cayman Islands said he was “going to cut my husband’s penis up into tiny little pieces” (Note:  Mary Cummins has never had a husband),  “Randy assaulted me while my lawyer was asleep”, “He molested my hand”, “She said she wanted to fuck my big fat fake tits” (finally, an admission her breasts are fake), “I found Burt’s head mold which I took”.

The sad age progression of Mary Cummins
We can only hope that Mary Cummins’ birthday was as memorable for her as June 14, 2012; that stellar day when her cumulative reign of terror against innocent people received a price tag of $6.187 MILLION DOLLARS in damages and the seizure of her money and property.

Here's hoping she celebrates her next birthday in a setting that suits her...

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